I wrote this while I was wedged between some old person and a Fob a few weeks ago heading out to Van-City... So yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged for real. So since I’m stuck up here at at 10,000 ft (or however that saying goes), I figured I’d write about the goings-ons in Jalen-world… The Raptors and the Playoffs… This is the first time….I think….like, EVER, that I haven’t really followed the NBA playoffs. I didn’t watch a single raptors playoff game in its entirety and I don’t even know what’s going on with my main man Jalen. I COULD say that it’s because I’m limited for time now that I’m full-steam ahead with work and also several new CCYAA initiatives. But that can’t be true because I’ve always managed to find time to watch ball. I honestly believe that my passion for the game is floating away. I mean, I don’t play nearly as much as I used to and when I do play, I’m doing it more out of a sense of obligation for my team. I love my teammates, but I don’t think I love this game…. So what do I love? That’s a good question. For those who know me best, they know that I am driven by two opposing forces: Love and Hate. The things I love, which include family, friends, etc. they drive me to do what I do on a daily basis. Do I love what I do on a daily basis? Not really. But do I love the fact that I have put myself in a position to be able to uplift others and help those around me; yes I’d say I am happy about that. The hate I feel is pretty strong. I won’t get into this, but the bitterness and vengeance-factor in me over certain things in my life have propelled me in the building blocks for my revenge. It’s pretty messed up I admit and I’m not saying it’s right, but that’s just how I am. In some ways, I’m obsessed with it because it gives me strength and focus…something I sorely lack. Issues… And that I think is my biggest problem: a lack of focus. Not just on a high level, but in every detail in life. At work, I am painfully unfocused. I try REALLY hard….put in some madd 13 or 14 hour days sometimes but my brain is just not working as well as it could because I can’t focus on the task at hand. I joke about having A.D.D. and a lot of people think they have it but I don’t think people really understand how extremely frustrating it is when it’s 11pm and you’re still at the office staring at the same spreadsheet you were working on since 6pm with little results because you just can’t focus on it. I have considered going to a doctor to get something that might help me get on track with regards to this problem but of course, I have procrastinated on this. Getting old In less than a month I’m turning Larry Bird….or Patrick Ewing…or Kareem Abdul Jabaar….either way you want to put it, it definitely represents one thing: ugly. The Facebook phenomenon has allowed me to take a peek into the lives on my peers in age and believe me, the outcome is snot looking pretty. Oh speaking of pretty, there is some HOT stewardess on this flight. Which is amazing for Air Canada. Anyway, back to getting old… Body-wise, I don’t think I look too old. My dedication to trying to rebuild / rebrand myself has allowed me to put the clock back a few years in that category. But I’ll tell you, it’s a real pain with marginal return. I mean, if this was enhancing my game where I felt like I was getting a few more years of enjoyment out of ball, I think it’d be worth it. But that’s not the case so right about now, I’m not sure what I’m doing this all for… Actually, I DO know what I’m doing this for…but I don’t think I’d disclose that publicly. I think certain people would get offended. But yeah, people my age I’m finding are SET (married, kids, houses, VP of Business Development, SUV Hybrids, etc. etc.). On one hand, I so want to be at that level where I am set like that. I want to be set like that because I want to be on par with my peers. BUT….that’s so NOT the life I want. Many who know me know that I am a late bloomer (if I have bloomed at all) and as a result, everything has been pushed back by I would say…almost 6 to 7 years. DAMN this girl is hot…..ok….re-focus So from a competitive standpoint, I want to be where my peers are at so that I can say that I haven’t failed or been slacking… But at the same time, I’m pretty happy with what has been going on in my life in the last little while. Minus a 3 year hiccup, I’d say I’m close to where I wanna be. Okay, I’m rambling a bit…but this is what you get when you’re trapped in a plane for 4 hours in the window seat with no access to your ipod or anything else (left it in the overhead and don’t wanna bother the people beside me to get up so that I can grab it). I have my laptop because I thought I’d try to be industrious and do some work but have you ever tried to work on a spreadsheet in a plane with like no room to stretch or move? Yeah, that works for about 2 hours and then your neck just gives out on you. Oh yeah, where am I at? Right now, I think I’m somewhere over Alberta. I’m heading out to BC for some work at head office. I like playing it cool, but honestly, I’m sorta excited about this being my first business trip. I have been on business trips before but this is the first time that I’m a lone ranger so I have to figure everything out for myself. Got myself setup at a nice downtown Vancouver hotel overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Hopefully the weather won’t be too bad. The weather in Toronto has been SICK recently. And with my new sunroof, it makes the drive to work that much more fun… At the same time, I’m feeling the pressures of not heading out here and giving people the impression that I’m an idiot. I’m finding this corporate stuff pretty difficult because people expect certain things from you because you have the three letters added to the end of your name but to be quite frank, I went to frickin Windsor….it ain’t exactly the Ivey League. And the people in our company are pretty sick…I ask around and I hear MBA schools like LBS, Michigan, Insead, and there are tonnes of Ivey people. Any Windsor-ittes? None…nada…. In fact, I had lunch with my former roommate about a month ago and he told me that I probably ended up with one of the best jobs in my class. That’s cool and all, but it’s also pretty pathetic. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ecstatic that I’m working where I work and doing what I do, but I’m pretty bitter about the way my school positions itself to me and what the actual outcomes were. I feel quite ill-prepared for the challenges that face me and I’m pretty pissed off at how I was treated (them fuc*ing me over by letting a bunch of idiots leach off of me). That’s over now, and thank God for showing me the way. Next episode: The trip, the return, the birthday, and bikinis at work (stay tuned!) | 
